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Instant Asshole - T-Shirt

Instant Asshole - T-Shirt

$29.95 $11.95

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2XL
LG
MD
SM
XL
Black
SIZE GUIDE
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SKU: 30880-2X

PRODUCT TYPE: Men's T-Shirts

PRODUCT INFORMATION
PRODUCT INFORMATION

Instant Asshole: Just add alcohol. Isn't modern technology great? A few shots of alcohol and the smallest, most innocent looking packages, or the kindest, gentlest teddy bears can undergo an extreme chemical transformation into pure, undiluted, 100% asshole! Printed on a black, 100% cotton t-shirt.

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How do you check your size?

Get your favorite t-shirt and lay it on a flat surface and follow the fit guide below. Check the size chart for each item to find the size that fits you best. Keep in mind our size charts are based on t-shirt specs, not body measurements. Allow 1/2 inch tolerance.

  • How to measure: Please multiply bust and waist by 2 to get the all around measurement.
  • Chest: Measure from left seam to right seam one inch below the armhole.
  • Waist: Measure from left seam to right seam at the waistline.
  • Length: Measure from the top of the front collar to the bottom of the shirt.


Men's Department

T-Shirt
Size Chest Length
S
34-36"
24-25"
M
38-40"
25-26"
L
42-44"
26-27"
XL
46-48"
27-28"
2X
50-52"
27-29"
3X
54"
30-32"
** Please note soft t-shirts run approximately 1 size smaller. (i.e. XL fit like a LG.) **

Soft T-Shirt

Men's Soft T-Shirt
Size Chest Length
S
34-35"
23-24"
M
36-38"
23-24"
L
40-42"
25-26"
XL
44-46"
26-27"
2X
48-50"
28-29"
** Soft t-shirts run smaller than a standard men's t-shirt and tend to have a more snug fit. The material is softer and lighter than a standard t-shirt. **

Hoodie
Size Chest Length
S
38-40"
23-24"
M
42-44"
24-25"
L
46-48"
26-27"
XL
48-50"
26-28"
2X
52-56"
27-28"


Women's Department

T-Shirts

Woman's T-Shirt
Size Chest Waist Length
S
34-36"
32-34"
21-22"
M
38-40"
38"
22-23"
L
42-44"
42"
23-24"
XL
46-48"
44-46"
24-25"

Hoodies
Size Chest Waist Length
S
32-34"
30-32"
19-20"
M
34-36"
32-34"
20-21"
L
38-40"
36-40"
21-23"
XL
38-42"
36-44"
21-23"


Junior's Department

These items are designed to fit juniors; they fit snug and sizes run small.

T-Shirts
Size Chest Waist Length
S 28-31" 26" 21"
M 32-33" 28-30" 22"
L 34-36" 32" 23"
XL 36-38" 34" 24"
** Please note that these are junior's shirts and meant to fit young ladies or slender adults **

Hoodies
Size Chest Waist Length
S 32-33" 32" 20"
M 34-36" 34" 21"
L 36-38" 36" 21-22"
XL 38-40" 36-38" 21-22"
** Please note that junior's hoodies are meant to fit snug unless otherwise stated **

Raglans
Size Chest Waist Length Sleeve
S 26-28" 24-28" 18-20" 16-17"
M 30-32" 28-30" 19-21" 17-18"
L 32-34" 30-32" 20-21" 19"
XL 34-36" 32-34" 21-22" 19-20"
** Sleeve length is measure from the collar to the end of the sleeve **


Children's Department

The industry standard for children's apparel is to use age as the size, but it is important to measure your child's clothing to be sure that you are picking the correct size. When measuring if your child falls into two different sizes then it is best to size up to ensure a better fit.

Note: Size chart is a general guide; sizes may vary according to the item itself.

Infant Size Chart: Bodysuits
Size Height Weight
3 mo. (Sm)
Up to 15"
8-12 lbs.
6 mo. (Md)
15-16"
12-17 lbs.
9 mo. (Lg)
16-17"
17-21 lbs.
12 mo. (Lg)
17-18"
20-23 lbs.
18 mo. (Xl)
18-19"
22-26 lbs.
24 mo. (Xl)
19-20"
26-30 lbs.
** Bodysuits are measured from the back of the collar to the top of the snap-offs **

Toddler Size Chart: Toddler T-Shirts
Size Width Length
2T
10-12"
13-14"
3T
12-13"
14-15"
4T
13-14"
15-16"
5T
14-15"
17-18"
** Measure 1" below armholes for the width & from the back of the collar to the bottom hem for length **

Juvenile T-Shirts: Boys
Size Width Length
S (4) 13/14" 16/18"
M (5/6) 14/15" 18/19"
L (7) 15/16" 19/20"
** Measured 1" below armholes for the width & from the top of the shoulder to the bottom hem for length **

Youth T-Shirts: Boys

Boys T-Shirt
Size Width Length
XS (4/5) 14-15" 20"
S (6/8) 16-17" 20-21"
M (10/12) 17-18" 21-22"
L (14/16) 18-19" 23-24"
XL (18/20) 19-20" 25-26"
** Measured 1" below armholes for the width & from the top of the shoulder to the bottom hem for length **

Juvy Girls

Toodler T-Shirt
Size Width Length
S (4) 9.5-10.5" 14-16"
M (5) 10.5-12" 16-17"
L (6) 11.5-13" 17-18"
XL (6x) 12-14" 18-19"
** Measure waist for the width & from the top of the collar to the bottom hem for length **

Youth Girls

Girls Youth T-Shirt
Size Width Length
XS (4/5) 10-11" 16-18"
S (6/8) 11-12" 18-20"
M (10/12) 12-13" 19-22"
L (14/16) 13-15" 22-23"
XL (18) 14-16" 22-23"
** Measure waist for the width & from the top of the collar to the" bottom hem for length **


Shoes

Sandals Sizes & Measurement Chart

Length X Width in inches at longest points.

sandals
Kid's Women's Men's Length Width
XS, 7-8 - - 5.71 2.64
S, 9-10 - - 6.38 2.8
M, 11-12 - - 7.05 2.95
L, 1 - - 7.72 3.11
XL, 2-3 - - 8.39 3.27
XXL, 4-5 5 - 9.06 3.62
- 6 - 9.37 3.7
- 7 - 9.72 3.78
- 8 - 10.04 3.86
- 9 7 10.39 3.94
- 10 8 10.71 4.02
- 11 9 11.06 4.09
- - 10 11.38 4.17
- - 11 11.73 4.25
- - 12 12.05 4.33
- - 13 12.36 4.41
** 1/2 should round up for a better fit, for example: 8 1/2 = 9 **


Accessories

Belts:

Size Waist
S 29/32"
M 34/36"
L 38/40"
XL 42"

Fitted/Flex Fit Baseball Caps:

Size Diameter
S/M 6 3/4 - 7 1/4
L/XL 7 1/8 – 7 5/8
* One size fits most (22" Diameter) *

Rings:

Inside Diameter Inside Circumference Ring Size Equivalents
mm/inches mm/inches U.S UK, Ireland, Australia, New Zealand India, China, Japan, South America Italy, Spain, Netherland, Switzerland France, European Standard
14.88/.59 46.7/1.84 4 H 7 6.75 46.5
15.3/.602 48/1.89 4.5 I 8 8 47.75
15.7/.618 49/1.94 5 J 1/2 9 9.25 49
16.1/.634 50.2/1.99 5.5 K 1/2 10 10.5 50.25
16.51/.65 51.5/2.04 6 L 1/2 11 11.75 51.5
16.9/.666 53.1/2.09 6.5 M 1/2 13 13.25 52.75
17.35/.683 54/2.15 7 N 1/2 14 14.5 54
17.63/.699 55.3/2.19 7.5 O 1/2 15 15.75 55.5
18.19/.716 57/2.25 8 P 1/2 16 17 56.5
18.54/.73 58.2/2.29 8.5 Q 1/2 17 18.25 58
18.9/.746 59.5/2.34 9 R 1/2 18 19.5 59
19.4/.762 60.8/2.39 9.5 S 1/2 19 20.75 60.25
19.8/.778 62.1/2.44 10 T 1/2 20 22 61.5
20.2/.794 63.3/2.49 10.5 U 1/2 22 23.25 62.75
20.6/.81 64.6/2.54 11 V 1/2 23 24.75 64.25
21/.826 65.9/2.594 11.5 W 1/2 24 26 66
21.4/.826 67.2/2.64 12 Y 25 27.25 67.5
21.8/.842 68.4/2.69 12.5 Z 26 28.5 68.5
22.2/.874 69.7/2.744 13 - 27 29.75 -
22.61/.89 71/2.8 13.5 - - 31 -
23.42/.922 73.6/2.9 14 Z3 - 32.25 -


Feature Glossary

Fabric Type

  • Classic Cotton: Classic interlock knit fabric. These are versatile and durable, the gold standard for t-shirts.
  • Burnout: Burnout tees use a chemical technique to dissolve certain fibers, leaving a sheer, semi-transparent pattern against the solid fabric. Burnout fabrics give a totally unique, vintage-worn look and feel.
  • Heavyweight: A thicker, heavier fabric than our classic interlocking knit. Heavyweight tees are usually made from cotton or hemp.
  • Sheer: Sheer tees are made from extremely thin, semi-translucent fabric that stretches to form-fit.
  • Soft: Soft tees are made with either higher thread-count cotton than our classic interlock knit tees or with a blend of cotton and one or more synthetic fabrics. Soft tees and softer, lighter, thinner, and often sized more snugly than classic cotton tees.
  • Super-Soft: Like our soft tees but even softer and more comfortable to the touch.

Cut

  • Classic Fit: A standard, basic-cut tee. Classic fit tees are loose around the midsection and arms and a little snugger at the chest.
  • Fitted: Fitted t-shirts feature a snugger, more vintage cut. Tighter around the sleeves and midsection than a classic fit tee, these are cut a size down from classic fit tees.
  • Slim Fit: A sleeker cut than our fitted tees, narrower around the waist and ideal for slim-built women and teenagers.
  • Plus-Size: Similar in proportions to classic fit t-shirts, but sized up for larger individuals.
  • Relaxed Fit: Relaxed fit tees are cut wider at the torso to wear loose for a light, billowy feel.

Specialty

  • Old Glory Exclusives and Limited Editions: We carry thousands of items that are exclusive hand-chosen licensed designs produced for just for us by our Music, Entertainment and Famous branded merchandise properties. These rare exclusives are only sold on OldGlory.com. Limited edition items are from a set production run; once they're gone, they're gone. Limited edition products are often of a much higher quality than typical mass-produced items.
  • One-of-a-Kind: One-of-a-Kind items are often much higher quality than typical mass-produced items. These are found in our selection of tie-dyed and over-dyed T-Shirt and apparel items, as well as many hand-made cuts and sewn items such as specialty dresses, shorts, and skirts.

Safety

  • Proposition 65: California's Proposition 65 requires us to alert consumers to the possibility of exposure to cancer-causing chemicals. [WARNING CA RESIDENTS (PROP 65) This product may contain a chemical known to The State of California To Cause Cancer, Or Birth Defects, Or Other Reproductive Harm.] A Prop 65 warning does not necessarily mean that this product will expose you to such substances, just that certain materials which are unfit for consumption may be present from packaging and shipping. Certain ornately decorated glassware may also contain trace amounts of lead on the exterior. As a precaution, please wash any glasses, shot glasses, plates, utensils, et cetera before use.
  • Phthalate Free: This product conforms to the Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act and is free of phthalates DEHP, DBP, and BBP.
  • BPA Free: BPA is an FDA-approved synthetic compound often used in food containers, and which studies have shown may be hazardous to the development of fetuses, infants, and young children. In the interest of safety, this product has been manufactured without the use of Bisphenol A (BPA).
  • Choking Hazard: This product contains small parts and may present a choking hazard to children under 12 years old. Adult supervision may be required. Not intended for children under 3.
  • Suffocation Hazard: This product contains plastic bags or balloons. To avoid the danger of suffocation, keep plastic bags and balloons away from babies and children. Do not place bags in cribs, beds, carriages or playpens. Keep uninflated balloons from children; discard broken balloons immediately.
  • Flammable: This product is flammable and should be kept away from open flames, space heaters, ovens, and other sources of high heat.
  • Flame Retardant: As a safety feature, this product is treated with or contains materials or substances which inhibit the ignition and spread of flames.
  • Hypoallergenic: This cosmetic has been manufactured to reduce or eliminate common allergens, and is less likely than conventional products to cause allergic reactions or skin irritations.
  • Lead Compliant: Product contains trace amounts of lead, but not enough to be considered harmful to humans. Not intended for children under 12.

ORDER TODAY, SHIPS TODAY.

Orders completed before 2pm EST are picked, packed and shipped within 24 hours (Monday through Friday) from our Westbrook, CT warehouse. Orders placed on a Saturday or Sunday will be shipped the Monday following. 

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$350.01 to $400.00 $69.95
$400.01 to $450.00 $74.95
$450.01 and above $79.95

HOW ARE PACKAGES SHIPPED?

Old Glory determines the fastest shipping for your order. We use United Parcel Service (UPS), United States Postal Service (USPS) and DHL. Deliveries to APO, FPO, Alaska, and Hawaii addresses are mailed via USPS Priority. Deliveries to international countries & Canada are shipped via DHL.

Our Customer Service business hours are Monday-Friday, 9am - 4pm EST.

For shipping inquiries, please contact customerservice@oldglory.com

Orders Are Fulfilled & Delivered from Old Glory's Connecticut Warehouse:

OldGlory.com c/o iMerchandise LLC
90 Knothe Road
Westbrook, CT 06498 USA

Thanks for contacting us. We'll get back to you as soon as possible.

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Instant Asshole - T-Shirt

Instant Asshole - T-Shirt

$29.95 $11.95
2XL
LG
MD
SM
XL
Black